Just Keep Telling Them You Are From France

I remember once sitting around with some friends and someone made the comment that it felt like we were living in a bad modern day version of La Boheme. They meant we were all youngish, artsy-ish urban dwellers living in grotty apartments who were always just on the edge of something good and then tragedy would strike and a set back would occur. Nobody ever died though.
That was several years ago, and we have all moved on to being not so youngish, possibly more responsible parents and spouses with lifestyles to match. If I had to characterize my life now as a play, it would undoubtedly be a Chekhov play in the way that nothing much happens but all the characters have at least 3 names.
I won't torment you with all the saccharine things Peter and I call each other, but the list of epithets that the dog will respond to is astonishing, and revealing.
His formal title is Jake the Dog. Not Jake Harrington or Jake Little as the vet insists on filing him.
He also responds to Little Dog (a play on words that) and Silly Dog and Bud. Evil Dog makes his tail wag because he knows he's been naughty but he's not going to be punished for it.
His Auntie Susann calls him Stinky. So does his cousin Lester. Occasionally we label him Farty Dog or Poopy Bum.
When he employs his talent for lying down in the most inconvenient place he can find we call him Speed-bump or Dead Dog.
Grumpy Dog and Growley Dog make their appearance more often than I would like, especially at the vet where his file is marked CAUTION! in red ink.
Last Thursday, Jake the Dog had an emergency spleenectomy to remove a large growth which may or may not be a malignant tumor. In light of that fact, we have (at least temporarily) stopped calling him Dead Dog because not even our humour is that bleak.
While we await the test results on his spleen and he recuperates from having his tummy sliced open and his innards stirred around we have given him a new moniker, Mr Conehead. Just keep telling them you are are from France, Bud.